Old wounds

One of my friends’ parents started going for counseling today. My friend, Stash went along so that she could referee them, incase a fight broke out before the session even started. I was talking to her over the phone, desperately trying to tell her something better than it will be ok etc. when I remembered that my parents had once gone for counseling themselves. All I could recollect was that they went for a couple of sittings and then discontinued it. So once I hung up the phone, I decided to refresh my memory and ask mum about it.

-so amma, what did the fellow (counselor) say?

-he thought I was too stuck up on my views

-aaand?

-and that’s why dad can’t communicate with me. So, I should be more open

-ok. And what did he say to dad?

-nothing. We went there because dad had problems with me. Not because I had any. He said if dad wanted me to come back to India and look after the new shop he was setting up (while he stays in Kuwait), then I should.

-…right..so…he said u guys should stay separately (this I asked due to sheer disbelief, but amma took it the wrong way)

-no. not that way! But..yeah, that if that’s what he wanted. So I asked him, what about the kids? I always thought we should all stay together. So he said, I should send them to a hostel, after all, they should grow up as independent people. Wasn’t I just being a possessive mother.

I didn’t say anything more. I hated the fact that I was stupid enough to bring this up. And I hate, absolutely hate that dumb fuck counselor. Anyways, amma continued.

-Ur acha always liked his freedom. He must think, here this thing is, which clings to me. He still does.

-no. not anymore…(I wanted to tell her I think that phase is over. Now he does want to come back home to somebody. That I think he will drop dead and feel absolutely abandoned If she were to say, I had enough of this guessing game, am outa here..she never would, bharatiya nari principles)

-it is like that. I came back to India when I was expecting our first baby. And then even after 6 months, he didn’t visit. Okay, they said he had visa trouble. So then I try to go to delhi and fix our visas so that the baby and I can go and nobody (in-laws/relatives) helps me, they tell me to stay put instead. But I managed somehow because I thought it was the right thing to do.

I was staring blankly at a wall by then, avoiding all eye contact, I hate to see her mouth turned downwards all sad. Besides I was quite sad myself and I remembered this ex thinking highly of these various couples who managed to work their relationships long-distance and me being worried that behind this admiration is the fact that, this is what he wants, to be a million miles away and work things out and be admirable. Amma continued..

-Yeah..I guess the doctor was right. I am too stubborn, I just do what I see is fit.