I am gripped by an unexpected and inconvenient fear of getting out of my apartment. There are barely any people on the streets and of the few there are, atleast half look suspicious (to me). None of the students I met so far particularly likes this place. One girl said, oh, this is your first time in the US? And you are being introduced to it through this place? how depressing! She then talked briefly on homicide rates and robberies.
Its been two days of this sitting around and I am thoroughly ashamed of my irrationality. I keep looking at the door to see if anyone is trying to break in. I wish it had more bolts and locks. This is the same me who was happy living in a shady nook in North Delhi, with the balcony door open and a knife under my pillow.
The only time i feel calm is at night, when the sky is orange and navy blue and the city lights shimmer. At night the silence isn't eery but restful. From 9 pm I can also make free calls to any place and my flatmate is back home by then.
I deeply and profoundly want a man around. A neanderthal of a man. Whose sole job is to protect, inspire a sense of safety.
Disgraceful.
3 comments:
U will be ok u know karate ... u dont need a guy... u can beat one up :)
The first week down here, I was given a duplex apartment to stay in. Can you imagine how many times I would climb up and down those stairs to check, double check the main door before I went to bed? Only to come down at 03:00 a.m. to check it again.... :| I would walk in each night, after work and peek behind curtains, underneath my bed and even inside the washing machine. Depressing.
These days, I walk home at night by myself. I know the place and I can speak the tongue.
You'll be ok after your first drink :) But until then, keep the door locked and knife under the pillow!
:)
Ive stopped checking the door. Still nervous abt Syr tho. But a few days into school n that should be fine as well.
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