I started getting pretty nervous from the day before the trip. I couldn't sleep. Each time I woke up though, I would see Mike curled up beside me. The way hes curled up, I know he doesn't really want me to go. So each time I would peck him on the cheek and go back to bed.

Why do I go? I think its mostly duty. But I do miss it. I miss knowing who I used to be, my roots. 

There is the house. It has served as both trap and refuge. So many things have happened within each of these rooms. So many changes over the years. This time I feel it looks like a woman whos had too many cosmetic surgeries. 

Achaamma. Letting them know I am real and that our ties are real. And yet I live my double life. A life so different from what I myself was used to for the longest time, that when I am back here, I feel nothing exists on the other side. That this is where I have always been, and this is where I will always be. Its my ultimate nightmare, but one I can easily believe.