These Days

What goes on in my life when there is no travel to distract me? As it stands, I do my job. That's really it. And I work out. And I eat more carefully.. with some planned carelessness within each week. Its dull stuff, but I can't say I mind too much. Happiness consists of a lovely meal, the satisfaction of reading the nutritional content of all the healthy things I deliberately eat. Books and tv shows are good too- I am dragging the last few pages of Lynne Truss' Constable Twitten series so that it wouldn't end. Dorothy Whipple has been good to me too, though sometimes she stirs up emotions I don't want to feel. The Great British Bake Off is back and a new installment of the Gilded Age should be starting today! 

Tenure has changed how I approach my work. Performance has no personal repercussions so I don't stress out about managing student expectations (pandering) as much. I just do my work and I take an interest in the things I care about-- like teaching the motivated students or the engaged students well. 

On the personal front, well, I am wary of almost all of my relationships. Primarily, I am surprised by the fact that people expect me to be ok with shit. The shit hurts. The fact that the people you love and care about insist on giving it to you, after I have reasoned and beseeched for years on end, hurts. So there is nothing to do but withdraw. The response varies from, oh, c'mon, don't be like that to but I am so amazing in so many other ways or nobody's perfect or better yet, you certainly aren't perfect yourself. 

I am so tired of people setting the terms or thinking they can set the terms of what I get to have. 

So these days, I am kind of floating and when anyone tries to make me care, I explode with a Why Should I?