Country Bumpkin turns City Slicker- Part 1

The train journey was, to say the least, horrible. First of all, I ended up with a non ac sleeper ticket. But I could have lived with that had it not been for my co-passengers. When i got in from Kayamkulam there were these bunch of Bihari engineering students who insisted on singing some age old fluffy love songs with the lyrics altered to suit the occasion. Due to my surprisingly good comprehension of colloquial hindi, i understood that they intended to get out at cochin. So i decided to fake sleepuntil then. but when i fake things i take it to a whole new level, so that i made sure i didn’t even move my eyeballs underneath, which was again stressful.

Once they were out these other bunch of Biharis got in, but these were alright. Labour class i think, but way way more decent than those students, practically gentlemen. So there i was, kinda content, when this new fellow pops up, tryin to chat up our gentlemanly Biharis. He kept talking about robberies on trains. This immediately made me uncomfortable, and his description of how he used to be in some squad for catching the bad guys, didn’t comfort me, infact i thought he was being sly and trying to trick us into leaving our bags unguarded.

So when bed time came, I jumped up onto my side-upper berth seat with my suitcase. Everybody seemed a lil quizzical, but i decided to brave it all. But then i couldn’t sleep cos my legs wouldn’t fit in anymore, unless i bent them, n they hurt when i kept them that way. So i kept tossing n turning, also regretting the fact that i hadn’t taken a sheet to wrap myself with since it ws cold. Neways, i consoled myself, thinking, this is for that grand purpose of not getting my bag stolen. Alright.

However, a lil after 3:30 am, i nod off due to exhaustion, and then grow half awake, suspecting someone just touched me. Hazy, i nod off again. Then at 5, i distinctly feel someone liftling my kurta, so I jerk upright saying hey! I see this scrawny guy, half my size walking away. I know its him n i wanna do something, but i don’t. I just couldn’t make up my mind on what language expletives i wanted to use at that hour. The guy, I assumed understood neither Mallu nor English n everbdy was asleep n he ws so scrawny that i could have beat him up if i wanted, n so overall the effort seemed pointless. I regretted it later when in the morning the guy showed the nerve to stand around my seat, by then it ws all too late. Ugh n an ugh n an ugh.

Finally Bombay it was; i pick an auto, n after a 2 hour ride, get off at sloth’s office to collect the keys; her place is where I ll b putting up btw. she tells me she wl b home by 9. i stench-alert her against hugs which she diligently listens to. Once home, I ransack her fridge, which she told me had oh! Nothing at all! And then find the thing stuffed with paprika flavoured Cow-cheese n olives n foreign branded flavoured yogurt n sausages n chicken breasts, n dark chocolate n Tropicana 100% juice n just a whole lot of i-can-die-for exotic stuff. I also lavished my hair with her extra virgin olive oil n l’oreal shampoo, which i plan to inform her about only after i leave...gwuhahahaha. Meanwhile, her lovely boss has told her she can only leave at 12 midnite cos of the leaves shes takin, leaving me sittin here discontended like a spoilt housewife.

Also, Im feeling a lil awed and intimidated by all the lovely things she has acquired-the flat screen tv etc. I feel an urge to pick up a disgusting high salary job n earn lots n lots of money, surround myself with tons of things i don’t need n nod approvingly at the rich little girl i am. But hold please, we shall consider all that at the end of another 14 months.

For now, despite the ill omens, Bombay and I plan to have some fun.