Work is where the sleep is

I suppose I should acknowledge that the worst of it is over, at least for the coming month or two. I defended my proposal and after minor revisions I will officially get my ABD. I head off for the 3rd conference tomorrow, I have a potential all-nighter to pull and then roughly 10 more days of crap work. Oh sleep, oh sweet sweet sleep, without the word attribution (topic of research) flashing all across my mind, when is to be? Health, hygiene and hair have all been a non-priority, I feel like a machine meant to fulfill the expectations or worse whims, of really no one in particular, but rather a nebulous mass of knowledge makers. It is frustrating to get anything but the Nike-attitude when I express my frustration, my weakness, my inability to cope, this shrinking degenerating feeling, to anyone at all. I get it, they don't get it. Look at me, a reservoir of understanding, lest you make an effort to listen and ask. Fuck everyone, other than amma, who at least said, ok ok you can't do it, when I said why doesn't someone just admit that I cant do it? And acha whose birthday it is today, and who said, your well-being is important to us more than anything else, come what may we don't want anything to compromise that.