I change my mind

Mike comes home tired. The work is not hard, its just long, between faculty meetings and preparing new courses and people who stop by his office to give him their 2 cents on life or to take his.
I stay at home, I walk a lot, an average of 10 miles daily. I do laundry and I cook. Once in a while I do some work-related research. I have plenty of time on my hands.

From Mikes view its simple, let him do whatever he wants with whatever time he has. From my view, a guilt-ridden view, its that I still have needs, I have needs and I have a voice, that will unfortunately have to be heard, because we are two strong-minded individuals who are not always on the same page.

I got married so that I can have a companion I can have fun with. I did not want to be a purring cat or a loyal dog that greets its human at home and just tags along with his idea of a good time. But truly, if I think about it, isn't this the one thing I could do for him at this point? Can't I make my own fun and let him be? I can. And this is how I mostly thought and went about it, until I started getting the feeling that he would prefer it if I reigned in that voice of mine a bit.

Our differing opinions have led to much drawn out arguments. Arguments for which I have much energy. To his credit, he agrees that it has always been sensible concerns and he compromised, because what I said made sense. But you see that word, don't you? Compromise. Its the word that makes you feel like you have perhaps given too much, just a little too much. Add a 'd' to the word, and you know you definitely have.

All the heard opinions, all the hard work and what did I give up? What does it matter whether it is our mutual preference and only because it is mutual, the preference, that we live together rather than apart, even if it means I won't have a job for a while and a real job for a much longer while, even if it means that he would be the bread-winner? I will have to purr and loyally tag along, yes I will make suggestions, but it is your choice. You can cancel any Boston plans we had for Saturday because I have a strong suspicion that you will not find it in you, but of course we can go for your friends Sunday board game in Boston, after all it is so awkward to cancel on a friend.

You see the thing about being a housewife, is that there is no obvious symmetry in what you take and what you give in a marriage. When both parties have a job, you are both on the exact same boat, or at least you are both on boats. You can see what the other person sees, because it is much like what you see. If you are a really generous, empathetic man you might be able to see things from the other person's point of view. But being a good man, esp. a tired good man just wont do the trick. And therefore, being a housewife, just won't do the trick.