Insecurity

I was just telling sloth last day of how we have become so comfy with each other, Mike and I, how he seems like home now. I did suspect however, that I might get a little antsy with us back in Syracuse and in our respective flats and I am, but I thought it would be just a matter of time before I settled back into routine. Even though  I am sure that is still the case, its just that this time is turning out to be a little more difficult than I imagined it would be. I've gone from being happy and secure to having this constant sense of loss. I have a feeling I am gonna be a terrible mother, if ever I am one.
The worst is being in this constant dialogue with myself. In general, I've cut down on actual expression so much that I can barely hear my own thoughts anymore. They just go on one after the other, sometimes running into each other, sometimes barely complete. Its okay when things are good, everything is clear and all the sentences in my head are simple, delightful ones. But at times like these, its just chaos, on one side I wanna stop myself from being so destructively overanalytical, on the other side I feel like I am denying some truth from being discovered.
I think just writing these things here helps me give some kinda balance. So I am glad I did this.